All Calculators

Every useless calculator on the site, in one place. Pick your poison.

Should I Text Him or Her Back?

A wildly overengineered quiz that tells you whether to text back, based on metrics that mean nothing.

Can I Pet That Dog?

A risk calculator for petting strange dogs, weighing location, leash status, tail energy, and how unhinged the eyes look.

How Many Seconds Do I Have Left?

A live ticking countdown of exactly how many seconds you've been alive, and an estimate of how many you have left.

How Many Tabs Can I Open Before My Computer Crashes?

Figures out your remaining tab budget based on RAM, OS, browser choice, extensions, background apps, and how many tabs you're already hoarding.